Tad is a Tool

22B1BAEF-26A3-4A9A-87FF-66B3644FFC4F_1_201_aTad Elliott has apparently been in a process of self-reflection.  Is it possible that self awareness is something we could all use more of…? Nah. I don’t see it. Here’s Tad:

I don’t know how this happened. One of my fears has now come true. I’m a tool. A full-on walking Colorado stereotype. That person I used to make fun of is now looking back at me in the mirror with their unemployment hair style and a razor that has been furloughed.

It didn’t happen right away. I didn’t seek this lifestyle was to claim I am better than other people. It all seems justifiable. I’ll try to explain, but it might just make it worse.

How do I fit the stereotype, you ask. Well, take a look outside; see how every other car is an older truck with a camper shell and Kuat bike rack? Mine is the white one. I need a car that big to hold all of my sport gear and friends, and to handle the snow and dirt roads of Colorado.

Yes, I do consider myself a multisport athlete and was pretty good at one point. Did I ever make an Olympics? Well no; see they used a different qualification in 2010, and I got sick in 2014, and in 2018… oh, you have heard this before?

I know I bragged about how you don’t need to drive to ride bikes in Durango but sometimes you have to transport them, and Moab is less than three hours away. The rack seemed like a good investment. Kuat? They offered the best E.P. and it really is a nice rack for moving my Specialized Stump Jumper. Yes, the big red S, and yes, it is worth more than the car it is attached to. I bought a Specialized because Ned Overend is from Durango and he and Specialized have been so good to me and our community. I do know Ned and consider him a friend. Hilarious guy.

That tail fin sticking out of the bed of my truck is a S.U.P. S.U.P. stands for standup paddle board, and when you are using it you are S.U.P.ing. I understand the urge to kick me in the shin. Please don’t, I didn’t create the acronym. Yeah, they are expensive, but I have a friend who owns a river sport shop and we worked out a deal…

Because I am wearing a pink lulu lemon top you just assume I do yoga. It is true, but I don’t Instagram it, or walk or ride my townie bike to classes. I do it solo in my room for myself. It is a great tool to feel better and I am beat up from all those years of racing and crashing, and… what are you looking at up there? Did a Peregrine falcon just fly by? An eye roll… is that like an exercise for your eyes?

No, I don’t have a trust fund, I support these habits by working multiple jobs; bike mechanic, ski coach, wax tech, and I am also a student. At 31 I still don’t have an undergrad. Too immature and busy adventuring in my youth to be bothered by class. The degree is Sports Administration. Yes, it is a real BS degree at Fort Lewis, and I do think it will be useful and worthwhile.

Thanks for the beer offer, but I am trying to go off of gluten. No I don’t think it is a poison, I just keep having crazy allergic reactions to something and not feeling the best, so going off gluten can’t hurt. Okay you smacking me would hurt, and yes being a jerk to a waiter about what is in the food could also hurt. Fair point.

For a sense of normalcy and to take back some “tough” points, looks like I am going to have to dig out my Danskos and flannel shirt, hop in a Subaru, grab a sandwich with a kombucha from a COOP, and head to Vermont. I can sit out on Caldwell Sport’s deck, cappuccino in hand, listening to how westerners just don’t get it.